


Strongest Days

by SarcasticMusician



Series: Cheer Up Buttercup [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Natasha has bad days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 23:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10261520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticMusician/pseuds/SarcasticMusician
Summary: Some days the memories become too much.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For the amazing Spiders Bites. You've got this, darlin!

Some days are harder than others.

Some days the memories win.

The words slung in anger years ago, form dark clouds in her head. Dark clouds that rain down on the days she feels the weakest. On the days she doesn’t want to move. On the days her heart hurts too much, her eyes sting too much, her mind thinks too much.

She sees these days as weakness, but Maria knows they’re so much more.

Maria has seen Nat fight aliens, robots, and all things in between, but the fight in Nat’s head is the one that shows just how strong her girlfriend is. The fight that never really ends shows her resilience. The fight that is always one thought, one slip, one bad day away, shows her courage more than any physical fight could.

Natasha was trained to fight, was trained to not feel, was trained to keep going. But on those bad days, on the days she feels weakest, Maria sees strength. Strength in that she lets herself feel, lets herself not be okay, lets herself fall.

The days can start in many ways. Some start normally, waking up wrapped in each other’s arms, comfortable and safe. Others start earlier, Maria waking to the stiffening of Nat as tension seizes her body. Those are the nights sleep is a distant memory. The nightmares have her tensing, the memories have her shutting down –turning the locks she forces open on her good days.

Natasha will keep going, though, even as the feelings take over. She’ll dress in silence, her joking and flirts muted by the assault in her brain. She’ll cling just a little closer, a little tighter, to Maria’s hand as they make their way to the kitchen, breakfast and laughter awaiting.

It is on the bad days that her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, her voice flat -unable to form a friendly tone as the memories take hold of her throat, determined swallows and coughs working to clear it.

She’ll take her usual seat between Maria and Wanda, letting the comfort of the women slow down her pounding thoughts.

Maria will slide Nat’s coffee in front of her waiting for her mind to come back from years ago. Waiting for her eyes to come back from staring at the wall of a cold room, from staring at the faces of the trainers, from staring at the past that makes her freeze.

She’ll come back to the present quickly enough, never letting her guard down for too long. The coffee will burn her throat, as she tries to clear the memories with the pain. It never works.

The others won’t comment. Looks will be exchanged as Nat leans into Maria’s arms – a clear sign of the war she’s fighting, but before long the room will be empty save Wanda and the couple.

Wanda’s guilt never stops on the days Nat’s face can’t light with a smirk. Her guilt and her fear win out as the woman sinks. She remembers the pain, the fear, the hurt, Natasha’s mind had shown that day so many months ago. How could she forget the anguish and brokenness that had greeted her?

How could she forget the pain she had caused?

They try to let her know it’s okay, to let her know they understand why she did it. But Wanda will never forgive herself, will never see the war Natasha fights as anything but her own fault.

She expects a glare, a punch, a word as they watch Natasha descend. And maybe she would have had Maria not been focused on Nat that first breakdown. And maybe she still will, maybe the fight is still yet to come, but for now she does her best to help, to aid, to fix what she helped break.

Maybe it’s healthier, maybe it’s not. But Natasha remembers on these days, she fights on these days, she loses herself on these days.

Maria never leaves. Never brushes her aside. Never forces her to talk. Never lets her fight alone.

They will settle in their room on these days, Maria holding Nat close, rubbing her back as she stares into the distance. Natasha won’t talk, not beyond the “I’m sorry’s” that tumble from her lips like clockwork. Maria won’t talk beyond the “It’ll be okay’s”, the “I’m here for you’s”, and the “Do you want me to kill them again’s?”

The hurt won’t stop. The pain won’t vanish. But she has an umbrella and warm arms for the bad days, smiles for the good days, and love- love for all days.


End file.
